Highly unlikely… for starters, “sex addiction” is not mentioned in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is used to make diagnoses in the United States. The World Health Organization also does not use the term sex addiction in its diagnostic guide (it has “compulsive sexual behavior disorder”).
How can we know if something (whether heroin, porn, sex, gambling, or alcohol use) is an addiction? According to Prof. Mark Griffiths, there are six criteria to consider: 1) Salience: does it dominate thoughts, feelings, and behavior? 2) Mood modification: is it used to shift mood? 3) Tolerance: are increasing amounts needed to achieve the same effect? 4) Withdrawal: do unpleasant feelings, or physical effects, occur when discontinued or suddenly reduced? 5) Conflict: does it create interpersonal conflict or intrapsychic (internal) conflict? 6) Relapse: is there a tendency for the activity to recur after years of abstinence or control? Another hallmark of addiction, according to Dr. Allen Frances, is that something that may have given pleasure at the beginning now no longer does so, but can’t be stopped. For most people, even though sex may create problems, the act itself remains pleasurable.
I think it is clear that very few people would qualify, given the above criteria, for having a sex addiction. Yes, this behavior can create plenty of problems, but calling it a “sex addiction” may be more about avoiding taking responsibility than about dealing with an addiction. Yet the fallout from an affair is real, regardless of what it might be attributed to. But, if it is not due to “sex addiction,” what is it due to? Most likely, it is about trust, commitment, intimacy—either that these are lacking or are broken—and a host of other related issues.
To save a relationship after an affair takes a lot of work—from both partners. Even then, there is no guarantee of success. It is possible to create a healthy relationship after an affair if both partners are willing to put in the hard work. And for many couples, this is worth doing. It goes without saying that getting help can make a big difference; the-sooner-the-better. If you want to explore this option, contact me for a free phone consultation.
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