We all want more intimacy in our relationships, since feeling close leads to more good things in our life (like romance, passion, and sexual intimacy). One way to do this is to be intentional about creating shared meaning in our relationship. Here are four easy steps to build more of this into our relationship:

  1. Have a conversation about how you can support one another in your central life roles (mom, dad, son, daughter, brother, sister, friend, worker, etc.). Take turns listening and speaking about this, interviewing your partner as if you were a reporter gathering information (it is helpful to take notes!).

  1. In the same way, have another conversation about how to support one another in your central values and symbols (e.g., what is “home"?, what does “love” mean to you?, what does “family” meant to you?). This can be several conversations. Take your time and explore with one another what each means.


  1. Think about what it means to live ethically in the world. What might it mean to do this together as a couple? After talking about this, decide on one way you will do so, intentionally, together.

perspective on life

  1. I like the concept of Tikkun Olam, which is Hebrew for making the world a better place because of your life. What might it look like to work on this as a couple? What legacy would you like to build together?

illuminating the world

These are great conversations to have on a date night! Or perhaps have an evening a week when you both know you will talk about one of these things — come prepared with some pre-pondering done to share with one another. When we know each other more deeply and feel supported in important ways, good things will happen in our relationship!

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LeMel Firestone-Palerm, LMFT, LPCC, CGT
LeMel Firestone-Palerm, LMFT, LPCC, CGT About LeMel...
Helping Create Healthy Relationships Since 1997
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFC 42162
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor LPC 1534
Certified Gottman Therapist